Every people must have a past that really taught them a good lesson.
No matter how bad or good your past was, the past always gives us something to learn from it.
No matter what kind of past it is; all of that is what makes us stronger today.
It might be something that makes you broken and can't get up, or it might be something good and sweet to remember although it's hurting you.
For me;
I experienced both broken relationships and friendships. For both, I trust too much and they cut me from being a great person. that's the obvious reason why I can't be happy and still hurts by the past. I had been soo broken and still traumatized. I hope for both relationships and friendships will stay longer or stay with me forever or could understand me more. I put too much hope for both friendship and relationship. That's the most obvious mistake that I've ever made in my life. From my past, I was always being lied to and need to follow their beat, or else, they'll leave me. I had a fear for someone to leave me because I hate being left. But the more tolerant I'm with them, the more I was in pain because of them. I remember how I was being lied and at the same time I know everything by myself. From my 5years relationship until the previous one, I'm the one that is being lied and I'm the one that knows the truth by myself. From my previous friendship and relationship, both of them were trying to cut me from being who I am or cut me from being an amazing person. It's kind of hurts me, and there's a point where I can't tolerate that pain. Sometimes I question myself too much if I'm not worthy to be loved or for someone to stay with me forever. I'm an overthinker person, and obviously, it will hurt me too much. I will overthink everything. Every single thing, I question and blame myself. I was so broken and can't think straight. I can't find the light and my life was so miserable. I'm losing weight, barely get enough sleep, I cried too much and I was so sick. Can you imagine how someone that you trust or someone that you love wholeheartedly, lied and cheat on you or cut you from being a great person? I tried to not trust and obviously, I can't accept the fact. I cried and blame myself too much. I am insecure too much and I being toxic to myself. I'm not seeking any sympathy, I just don't know how to express my feelings to anyone. To me, my life is just like a joke and so many miserable or unpredictable pains that hit me a lot. But what I feel might be felt by anyone who's reading this blog right now...
We have various kinds of past, bitter but no longer hurting you or sweet and still make your hurts until now. But no matter what, we need to fight and keep on surviving to be happy or much better than before. Fall and being heartbroken, but never forget to fight and get up to be a stronger person again. Never give up on your life or even yourself. Without pain, we will never learn anything.
good luck and hopefully we will be better soon, together <3
Love, Alice x
